I think about dying ,but i don’t want to die ,not even close . In fact my problem is complete opposite . I want to live . I want to escape . I feel traped and claustrophobic . I want to lost , but at the same time i want to be found out . I have lost all hopes , but my heart wants to live in some hopes. It seems like there is so much to find out but i am stuck in this metamorphical bubble of existence and i can’t figure out what i hell to do to get out from this. Yes i am lost. 💔💔
I always find the race in my life, sometime I feel like giving up . Every night i sleep with hope , but I feel the silence in the darkness is more peaceful than chaos in the light. I was never this , may be I have become the worst version of me , or may be i am evolving as a person who is trying everyday to survive with the depth of thoughts. After so many years I saw myself in the shadow of silent darkness , there was so many dent on my soul , my body was just covering the soul with so many patches. I am tired and exhausted with the flow of hopelessness in my veins . I am afraid from seeing myself in the mirror of reality as I looked at my body as tainted because of its remnants of responsibilities. The darkest path of my imagination is my loneliness . I wish in my imagination to hold that lonely race . I fall every time in the darkness , I am crawling in my mind .Its a lonely race but peaceful wait . I am scared of the revealing my soul to this light .
I do not feel like waking up early morning , the reality of light hits you harder in your eyes . The peace in the darkest and longest night with a fear in dented heart is hidden but safe. There is no going back , I am tired 🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑
I know that and I am absolutely to blame for that. But saying “if we are supposed to be together ,it will happen ” is absolute bullshit . Thats not how love or anything like that works. You make a choice to love someone and you make a choice to forgive someone , you make a choice to work every damn day even when you can’t stand to even look them in the eye , you make a choice to love them unconditionally even when they eat the leftover food that you were anticipating to eat all day , you make a choice to let them take shower first even you were the one running late , you make a choice to not disturb their sleep though you needed help and you needed to sleep, you make a choice to sacrifice ,you make a choice to love them so much to just put your dream on hold so they can go and finish studies so you all can live the dream together, you make a choice. This shit is not fate or happen at instances . Its a damn choice you make every damn day. ” May be we will end up together” has no say in this. 📝
Her emotions was with herself only. Her loudest cry in her heart was her silence. Was she dying or was she grieving? All i understood was that she was hurt , not with the reality but trying to accept the reality.
Ohh one day she will realise how strongly she fought the battle of life at this tender age with smile and cry. And she will say this is the life.
Everyday is battle for everyone . Lets show gratitude and love to all. Life will show you the worse , whether you like it or not , its on us how to react , because however situation is good or bad ,it will pass , what doesn’t pass is what you learnt and how your gratitude is.
She loved him , he used her. She forgive him , he lashed her. She forgot her smile, but still she made him laugh. She felt less important in his life, still he blamed her. Why love is so fucking worse thing? She kept asking her , she hide her tears in shower . In love ,she lost herself in the dark.
The scars in her body was so visible to all , evryone forgot the scars in her heart. It took few days , her visible scars were healed, but she was dying daily by then with the scars in her heart.
Everyday my thoughts are killing me. There is no fight between heart and mind . My heart feels the pain , a void which has created in my life. I say loudly i don’t need anyone , but deep down my heart wants a healer , who helps me to heal my life. There is so much void inside me i can feel , it seems like death inside me . Ohh God , i accepted all my flaws ,i need you to hold my hand , and help me to collect all pieces of my soul.
Mind is full of fear , Heart is full of anxiety.
I don’t know where this life is going on ,
Is death is easy or living life like this is more painful.
It hurts to feel the void inside me.
Strength is all i need. ♥️
