!!!Silence and Peace!!!

Life is always about giving , accepting , loving, empathy, gratitude. God has given us all the necessary things which is just sufficient for living a peaceful life and that too all around us.

We have changed our lives in such a way that there is no satisfaction , if you are earning ,you want more , you earned that more you will still be needing more than present. What is the use of that more, when it has costed you your peace of mind.

When i look back in the past , i always wanted this what i am right now .But wait still i do not find any worth . There is always question in my mind . what is the use of all these things when my mind is not at peace .

Everything you received in your life has cost , you do not question about that, because it is what it is .You want all the luxury in your life , for that you work hard , earn money , buy your luxuary items , what next ? There will be always upgradation in in technology , and way of defining luxuary . That means you will always be in that loop. Upgradation in defining luxuary means unhappiness in your life , because you are not getting that what luxury is in present definition. Everyone has become greedy , they just want money ,position , a good house, wife ,kids and so on.

Silence and peace of mind is the hardest and most luxurious thing where you don’t need upgradation , its just inside you.We never ever think about what is going on inside our body , how every nerves , cells has been connected to each other . The beauty of inner you is actually a luxuary . The beauty of our creator is that he doesnt want things to be perfect , because some luxuary lies in remaining imperfect .

Don’t make life so hard with a greed of wanting more , make it easy with a thought of giving all.

Everyday “A RAY OF HOPE”

My constant depression journey is still on. I sometimes feel as so numb to end all my suffering’s which is just going on all in my mind. But in reality are those suffering in real , I wish I could answer. My numbness , my anxiety has so much much increased , I wish I could talk , but with whom and why . Everyday journey of my daily routine has also changed , I don’t talk to people , whenever I talk , I feel angry. I was so talkative person but i have just become me ,so introvert or say coward to face the reality.

What affects our brain , why depression is so underrated to be talked . I pretend to be so happy , but i am not . I pretend to be in peace , but i am not . I pretend to be enjoying my loneliness , but i am not . I pretend to like myself , but i don’t. I pretend to be strong , but i am not.I feel like helping others , but more than that i need help .I consulted psychologist , but it didn’t work out . AM I MAD ? OR AM I LOST?

Everyday i feel like waking up with a hope , but i can’t . I feel like i need to be disappear . Where i am lacking , i have decent job , decent money , decent investment , decent family , good health but still i am not happy .Its not that i need money so i am not happy .No i don’t need money , i don’t need anything .I am not happy with anything . Every small thing is torturing my mind . I tried meditating , but nothing is working out. I don’t know what is wrong with me . life has never been unfair to me , but now i am afraid , its affecting my mind and so as my health.

I Know every person has their battle of depression , but we never openly talk about . They feel afraid from everyone ,that anyone will understand or not .We need to have empathy for such person who is going through such things . They only want to be heard on everyday basis . I am writing the journey of my friend who has been suffering from severe depression . I knew something is wrong with her ,but i was so busy with my work , i never bothered to ask about her personal stuff and i feel ashamed for that . There i was wrong . I feel sometimes we need to keep in our mind that its our moral responsibility to help , we don’t need to go to Himalayas to find the purpose of life .Our main purpose of life should be helping attitude . from past 6 months , i am on daily basis touch with her , she is recovering .I did not advice her anything , i just listened and only my work was to listen and let her cry . When you create a helping attitude , you forget about your problems . Its just a mind game .Every monster is inside the mind .

Pondering in the mind of thoughts,

How many battles you fought,

I wish the battle was in field ,

The colour of life would have shield ,

But there are cracks in the shield of mind ,

Alas the negative light doesnt let it bind ,

She is exposed with cracks and fear ,

She hoped for the end with dry tears .

ITS A EVERDAY STRUGGLE FOR PERSON WHO ARE DEPRESSED.

MIND MANIPULATION!!!

Life is very uncertain , when you find the delusion of happiness with something , its actually not , its a trap of hope , its a trap of thought . I am writing my first post of 2021 , and I am confused about the concept of life. I am happy or I am sad , its just a process of acceptance that what i want , but reality is our mind is ideally not working in one place . why I am writing , i don’t know the way of portrayal of my mind by tapping the keyboard. Something or many thing is missing in everyone’s life , what is that ? Have I thought of my absence or presence in my own life. Its been one month , my mind and my eyes are just starring the screen of my laptop , what I am seeing a blank screen or a viewing my blank mind or my blank hopes. I am in my positive or negative mind , I don’t know because that will be just perception made by this world. Everyone talks about staying happy is the utmost important thing in the life , but it has some cost and that cost has no empathy. Should i blame the society , the world or myself . Sometimes it seems everything happiness sadness , winning , loosing , etc. is delusion , actually nothing such exists in reality . If our mind has fixed such delusional data , why it has become impossible to undo it.

Lets say -I am trying to see myself after closing my eyes. OH God , its such an impossible task for me, I can see everyone else except myself .My mind constantly playing with my data which has been fixed in my mind. I can see my self with my open eyes but not with my close eyes , what is reality ? What I am seeing with my closed eyes or what I am seeing with my open eyes.? Its a mind trap

We constantly talk about basic education we need , but wait there is something missing , Why same type of education everyone is getting , still everyone is different , different approach , different thought , different way of achieving something? If I just say ,our mind is playing game , its just a kind of say universe where there is some black hole where none of this bookish thoughts enter and that is Pandora box of our thought. We usually say if we can train our mind we can achieve many things, but I am confused about what kind of achievements we are talking about ? why we need calm mind and exactly what calm mind is ? We are attracting only better things better people than ourselves and we are just going through that approach of life . Our mind is attracting those things , or I can say , no one bad or no one is good ,its just a life .Constantly we are being manipulated by our mind

Everyday just untrash your mind , whatever good or bad things your mind get just untrash it .The more you will allow your mind to accept the platter provided by the society , the more you will be manipulated by your own mind not by the society .

FEEL YOUR BREATHE ,

FEEL THE UNHEARD VOICE OF NATURE ,

FEEL YOUR HEART BEAT,

EVERY POWER IS IN YOU.

Yes I am lost!!!!

I think about dying ,but i don’t want to die ,not even close . In fact my problem is complete opposite . I want to live . I want to escape . I feel traped and claustrophobic . I want to lost , but at the same time i want to be found out . I have lost all hopes , but my heart wants to live in some hopes. It seems like there is so much to find out but i am stuck in this metamorphical bubble of existence and i can’t figure out what i hell to do to get out from this. Yes i am lost. 💔💔

Dark Night!!

I always find the race in my life, sometime I feel like giving up . Every night i sleep with hope , but I feel the silence in the darkness is more peaceful than chaos in the light. I was never this , may be I have become the worst version of me , or may be i am evolving as a person who is trying everyday to survive with the depth of thoughts. After so many years I saw myself in the shadow of silent darkness , there was so many dent on my soul , my body was just covering the soul with so many patches. I am tired and exhausted with the flow of hopelessness in my veins . I am afraid from seeing myself in the mirror of reality as I looked at my body as tainted because of its remnants of responsibilities. The darkest path of my imagination is my loneliness . I wish in my imagination to hold that lonely race . I fall every time in the darkness , I am crawling in my mind .Its a lonely race but peaceful wait . I am scared of the revealing my soul to this light .

I do not feel like waking up early morning , the reality of light hits you harder in your eyes . The peace in the darkest and longest night with a fear in dented heart is hidden but safe. There is no going back , I am tired 🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑

Just a Choice!!

I know that and I am absolutely to blame for that. But saying “if we are supposed to be together ,it will happen ” is absolute bullshit . Thats not how love or anything like that works. You make a choice to love someone and you make a choice to forgive someone , you make a choice to work every damn day even when you can’t stand to even look them in the eye , you make a choice to love them unconditionally even when they eat the leftover food that you were anticipating to eat all day , you make a choice to let them take shower first even you were the one running late , you make a choice to not disturb their sleep though you needed help and you needed to sleep, you make a choice to sacrifice ,you make a choice to love them so much to just put your dream on hold so they can go and finish studies so you all can live the dream together, you make a choice. This shit is not fate or happen at instances . Its a damn choice you make every damn day. ” May be we will end up together” has no say in this. 📝

Life!!!

Her emotions was with herself only. Her loudest cry in her heart was her silence. Was she dying or was she grieving? All i understood was that she was hurt , not with the reality but trying to accept the reality.

Ohh one day she will realise how strongly she fought the battle of life at this tender age with smile and cry. And she will say this is the life.

Everyday is battle for everyone . Lets show gratitude and love to all. Life will show you the worse , whether you like it or not , its on us how to react , because however situation is good or bad ,it will pass , what doesn’t pass is what you learnt and how your gratitude is.

Invisible scars!!!!

She loved him , he used her. She forgive him , he lashed her. She forgot her smile, but still she made him laugh. She felt less important in his life, still he blamed her. Why love is so fucking worse thing? She kept asking her , she hide her tears in shower . In love ,she lost herself in the dark.

The scars in her body was so visible to all , evryone forgot the scars in her heart. It took few days , her visible scars were healed, but she was dying daily by then with the scars in her heart.